Bill's First Post

I realized today how self-centered I can be...

Jess and I spent our weekend in baby classes. On Saturday it was "Newborn Essentials" and on Sunday it was "Prepared Childbirth." To be honest, "Prepared Childbirth" was the only class out of the five classes we have taken that we were both dreading. She was dreading it because of the rumored gory child birth videos, and I thought I was dreading it out of empathy for her. To our delight, the class wasn't that bad. The videos were well edited and the childbirth process didn't seem as bad as we thought it would. We both left the class in high spirits.

Then we went upstairs for a tour of the delivery room. Jess and I got separated momentarily while I held the door for the 10 other pregnant women, and because the room was too small for me to make my way back to her side, I just stayed behind for the delivery room portion of the tour.

I was impressed with how state of the art everything was. To me, nothing in the world could have been better for delivering Holden into this world. The delivery room had all of the latest technologies, is in one of the best hospitals in the world, and the hospital has a Level III NICU and is directly across the street from the Children's Hospital. What else could you ask for? So, I was surprised to find Jessica in a sour mood as she left the delivery room. Surprised probably isn't the right word-- more like bothered. What else could she want?

On the way home Jess started crying and, like any expecting father would do, I comforted her and told her that I too "thought the delivery room was too sterile," even though deep down I knew it was as good as it gets.

Then 24 hours later it hit me: she wasn't upset by the quality of the room or hospital, she was upset in the same way that a death row inmate would be upset if he were given a tour of the electric chair 6 weeks before his execution date. I can't believe it took me so long to figure that out. I am so sorry, Jess.